Blues Beget Blues

It seems that (at least for those of us that struggle with depression) once our psyches start traveling down the path of sadness or depression, all of our sadnesses, depressions, failures and disappointments are more easily brought to mind. So it is that something as cheerful as the picture of the 12 foot snowman brings me back to the year of my mother's death. Just about any song from the 80's, no matter how danceable, can plunge me into the dark days of my divorce. And an innocuous Kansas license plate can bring my Dad's passing to mind and put a lump in my throat.

A friend sent me an article from Frederica Matthewes-Green that contained the following passage that is helping to nudge me back to sanity. Speaking of an epiphany she had during her father's funeral, Frederica writes:

He was [now] standing in the searching light of God, where all things are made clear and all truth is known. That meant that, from his perspective, our relationship was for the first time perfect and whole, in a way it could never have been on earth.

Though I don’t yet have that perspective, I can still grasp its truth. The only place I can ever meet my father again is in the presence of God, who understands us both, perfectly—much better than we can understand ourselves. And even though he sees right through us, his response is endless love.

This passage helped me to see that I wasn't just missing my Dad. I was also mourning the fact that our relationship wasn't as good as it could have been, and any attempt to improve it now seemed lost. It also helped me to see that I need not mourn as those without hope. All is not as it seems.