Letting Go of Anger
A few weeks ago, a former student stopped by my office to talk to me. Since I had been her teacher for more than one class (and one of those classes was very small) we had gotten to know each other well enough that we could talk about more than just math. From the time we started talking I was aware that she seemed more relaxed and happy than I had ever noticed her before. She was almost sparkly.
I made the comment that taking the Summer off from school really agreed with her. She replied that, yes, that was part of it. But, after five minutes of back story, she said that the really big difference was finally being able to let go of the anger that was spilling out all over her husband, children and friends and threatening to ruin her life.
I don't think she realized how close to tears she had brought me. Our back stories were different, but I saw that I too was full of anger and frustration, and that it was threatening to destroy my life. I knew then that I had to get rid of it. But how?
I've been chewing on that ever since, and I still don't really have a complete or clear answer. Part of it, a big part, is that I have to decide that I want to stop dwelling on those things that make me feel angry or frustrated. But this is difficult in a world where I still have to make a living, starting over in yet another career, and struggling with finances and grad school. How can I help but be reminded that I will never be a Dad when I see children playing in the neighborhood, or hear coworkers and friends talk about their kids? I know that I'll never be able to keep these thoughts completely out of my mind. But I think Saint Paul had a good idea in his Epistle to the Church at Philippi: "...whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you."
I made the comment that taking the Summer off from school really agreed with her. She replied that, yes, that was part of it. But, after five minutes of back story, she said that the really big difference was finally being able to let go of the anger that was spilling out all over her husband, children and friends and threatening to ruin her life.
I don't think she realized how close to tears she had brought me. Our back stories were different, but I saw that I too was full of anger and frustration, and that it was threatening to destroy my life. I knew then that I had to get rid of it. But how?
I've been chewing on that ever since, and I still don't really have a complete or clear answer. Part of it, a big part, is that I have to decide that I want to stop dwelling on those things that make me feel angry or frustrated. But this is difficult in a world where I still have to make a living, starting over in yet another career, and struggling with finances and grad school. How can I help but be reminded that I will never be a Dad when I see children playing in the neighborhood, or hear coworkers and friends talk about their kids? I know that I'll never be able to keep these thoughts completely out of my mind. But I think Saint Paul had a good idea in his Epistle to the Church at Philippi: "...whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you."
posted by Rich @ 19:57
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