Dealing With Suffering

In my own life, I've dealt with suffering in three different ways. The first, and least effective method, is to curse, grumble and whine. This is the approach advocated by Job's wife. It is the approach of the narcissist, the egomaniac, and the spoiled child shouting "I hate you!" at its parents. I've gotten stuck in this mode for large stretches of time in my life. And I still struggle with slipping into this frame-of-mind from time to time. Probably the most beneficial thing, besides the prayers of family and friends, is mere friendship and compassion (mostly coming from Christians - imagine that). Usually, talking, listening and thinking about suffering while in the depths are out of the question. For this reason I recommend reading and thinking about this subject before the storm.

The second approach to suffering is to pray for deliverance. Should we pray for deliverance? Well, obviously, yes! Read the Psalms. But there is a right way and a wrong way to pray for deliverance. In the tradition in which I was raised, I remember watching this progression in teaching. 1.) You must have faith for God to deliver you. 2.) If you have enough faith, God MUST deliver you. 3.) Don't ask for deliverance, command it in the name of Jesus! So finally God was no longer sovereign, Faith was - with enough Faith even God couldn't resist our will. But this is an extreme case of the wrong way to pray for deliverance. There are many more subtle and destructive ways to pray for deliverance. In my experience this has mostly to do with an unwillingness to accept that maybe God doesn't think that our idea of deliverance is best for us. We are merely "informing God about what He already knows and telling Him what He ought to do about it." Then our "unanswered" prayers send us right into cursing, grumbling and whining. Our misplaced faith can lead to the destruction of our faith.

For a more balanced idea of how we ought to pray for deliverance, read the Psalms. Or think about the story of the three Holy Youths and the Fiery Furnace: "Our God is able to deliver us, but if He doesn't we will still not bow down." Pray. Fervently. With faith. But remember that God is God. He is able to deliver, even miraculously, but He knows better than we do what is the best way and the best time to do this.

The third approach to suffering, willful submission, is also subject to distortions and abuses. Self-flagellation is obviously one of them. But most of us fall into traps of this sort that are not so obvious.

This is where listening to God, and a good Father-Confessor come into the picture. For a model of how to pray for deliverance while being submissive to God's will, read Jesus's prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, and his subsequent words from the cross. It is alright to pray, to anguish even, over deliverance, but ultimately we need to submit to the will of the Father if we are to retain our sanity. And if our suffering is to lead ultimately to our salvation, we need to cooperate with God - our Physician - in the treatment. Sick souls need a physician. Let us be transformed into the likeness of the One who was unjustly nailed to a tree. Being transformed by the renewing of the mind, and this is more than a merely intellectual process.

Writing on this third approach, I feel that I am in way over my head. I am telling you things that I know nothing about. When have I ever willingly submitted to the Lord's will if it wasn't in line with my own? Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Reading recommendation:
The Theology of Illness,by Jean-Claude Larchet